What Keeps Me Up at Night

I've been asked this recently. And throughout this summer, I think I've had 3 sleepless nights -- okay, not altogether sleep-LESS, but more like...I'm in bed at 9:30 pm (sad but true) and I try to fall asleep (funny that the kids are still awake) and so I read. I stop reading at 10:30 pm and find that my thoughts are wandering and I can't fall asleep as early as I like...so that's a sleepless night. However, I've had three of these. And there's a theme to what I'm thinking about. It's my kids.

Before kids I didn't know a thing about sleeplessness. I didn't know it existed. Then BAM! you have your first child and you are all of sudden worrying about things that have NO probability of ever happening to you or your children. I think this is a Mom-thing because I don't know too many dads that have fessed up to lying away making a fire-escape plan or thinking of what item in the bedroom would make the best weapon (the kids have paddles hanging on the walls in their room, so that's what I would grab and start swinging.) But moms totally do this.

I'm amazed at the images I can conjure up, the scenarios I can play out over and over and over again. It's quite creative. I can get myself worked up pretty quick.

The three nights aforementioned have had tidbits of reality that started the whole mess. One was an "almost-accident" that left me imagining it really happened and what we would have done over and over. One was when someone hurt my kid and didn't apologize even though this person should have known better and acted like a small child. And the last one was when my child was presented with an opportunity to do a very wrong thing and chose the right thing...which left me imagining the wrong choice and what could've happened there. (Nice that I focus on the negative so easily.)

Am I ill? Is it just me? I seem to have zero control over my thoughts at times. The best advice I heard is to go through Phillipians 4:7,8 and ask it as a question. We are to "think on these things" -- so I ask "Is it actually true?" The answer to the 3 nights is No, Yes, No. So 2/3 isn't too bad. "Is it lovely?'" No, No and No! "Is it of good report?" No to the power of 3 again. And the verse goes on with noble, just, praiseworthy, and so many more things that I should be thinking on.

And it works -- when I remember to do it. Funny how I think I can be a person who sees the glass half-full most of the time...but when you mess with my babies, I turn into a totally irrational person. I call it Wild Brain. It kicks in when we feel our children are at risk and God gave it to us as Mother's Intuition. I might have taken it a bit too far, perhaps!

Tonight....tonight, I'll go to bed in decent time (read 9:40 pm) and get some sleep -- and think on the right things.