Today we had our family Christmas with my great aunt Ines. Dear old Aunt Ines. What a life she has lived and yet what a sad existence she now endures.
The woman lived in deep dark Nigeria, west Africa for 28 years of her life as a missionary. She's dealt with more poisonous snakes, nasty living conditions and illness then I ever could imagine yet now she lies in a nursing home living out her last days, wondering if she'll ever even get to go outside again. She's single ~ never married and had no children of her own. All her kids were the ones she loved and lived with in Africa...a bit too far away for them to pop in for a visit.
We spent three hours in the basement of her stinky nursing home celebrating Christmas with her. Singing Christmas songs, eating Festive Specials and generally making a lot of noise. This, my dear readers, was the highlight of her entire Christmas. Sixteen people coming to see her for just three hours practically brought her to tears...tears of joy and gratitude.
It's a scary thing to come face to face with life in a nursing home. I know all of us have seen it at some point, but it seems especially miserable during the Christmas season. What choices does the woman have in her day to day life? None. She doesn't get to chose what she eats. She doesn't get to chose what she wears. She doesn't even get to chose when she goes to the bathroom.
We were sitting at the table, eating our dinner when I leaned over to my sister and whispered, "If it comes to this for me...just get a gun." I can't imagine this for myself or putting my parents in a place like that, or my kids having to come see me in those conditions. And yet that is the reality of life. We don't chose how it starts or how it ends.
If you have a loved one in such a place, don't forget them this year. Be sure to pop in with a smile and some Christmas cheer. I think I know how much it meant to my great-aunt...and that made the whole thing worth it.
Tara has been involved with personal support care for the last few years and she has been in contact with people in nursing homes who shouldn't be, people not in nurising homes when they should be and some people that you really do feel that "if it was me here please end it" Back home there is a lot more home care comapanies that will bring your meals daily and visit up 6 times a day or else 24hr care in your home. Fortunately Tara is suited to this work as she really is a care giver but some others should not be in the job at all. Some people tend to treat the people like a piece of meat rather than a human being who does not want this to be happening to them either. She looked after one man who had locked in syndrome. full use of his brain but the most movement he had was being able to move his eyes. they carried out an operation on him to make him able to grunt so that he could get your attention. Now to me that has to be the most awful existence, this man went from being a physical outdoors loving man through his life then had strokes which casued this and was left in this condition. It just goes to show how much we value life that even in these condtions there is the inbuilt ability to hold onto life. I gree thats why it is important for us to reach out to people we know who value that 5-10 minute call more than we would know.
ReplyDeleteOn another note I think that the kind of care which Tara is invloved in is becoming more popular here as all the baby boomers are now at the age of needing care and have done relatively well for themselves and have some money to pay for the care of the government backed schemes don't. Tara has started working for a franchise called 'Nurses next door' they don't seem to have the concept right unless they find a lot of wealthy people as this is a totally private firm but there are others who are government financed. So there is hope for a better life for people as they get older.
Erin...I cried through this entire post...thankyou for the reminder.
ReplyDeleteYour great aunt is going to receive such a welcoming at the gates of heaven for all those years of faithful service...bless her.
Hey Erin,
ReplyDeletePam mentioned that you where blogging so I thought I would have a read - I've got to say you're a pretty talented writer.
This story hits a nerve with me. I have come to realize, thanks largely to my work, that it is so important to be present with people - no matter what their circumstance. Sometimes we tend to turn a blind eye to the hard things in life, but I've started to find that when we are present with people in the midst of their pain, Christ starts to show up and we start to change - and maybe, just maybe, someone will be present with us when we are in our time of trouble. I suppose that's kind of the message of Christmas, God with us - God present with us, no matter how ugly we look.
Anyways keep blogging, you've got some interesting things to say. And if your aunt comes to mind I will try to say a prayer for her. Merry Christmas and all that.
Brad
isn't it so sad? i have felt that, too..just a dread of growing old, or i guess, helpless in my old age. my gramma lived out her last days with alzeimer's in a nursing home..it was horrible to visit her there, and yet even more horrible to see the many that had no one ever come to see them..that is one big reason i'm trying to get a once a month visiting thing going on at our care home here..just to SEE the forgotten. love ya my friend. darci
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